Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Can I Do Good All By Myself?

No, not "well"..."good."  I already know that I can do well, but that means slightly less to me at the moment.  In recent months I've been focusing on trying to do good things; mainly for youth and women.  My schedule is beginning to make it difficult to handle everything alone, so I'm having to broaden my comfort level and delegate.

Delegation is a good thing, right?  Makes life easier?  Where can I find the line between asking for help and taking advantage?  I dunno.  I'm not a big fan of asking someone to do what I can do myself.  I literally have to force myself to ask my kids to do things that I know they should do, out of fear that they'll turn into incapable adults if I keep providing everything for them.  Outside of that, though, I feel like it reflects poorly on me when I accept help from other people.  Almost as if I then owe them something.

That's an interesting concept, actually.  Owing something to someone.  I would willingly do almost anything for anybody, but I refuse to be in debt to anyone...especially a friend.  That makes everything a little more complicated.  It makes it hard for friends to treat me to lunch, difficult for guys to buy me a drink and near impossible for someone to help make my life easier.

I am an independent being.  Stubbornly so.  It appears as if I've regressed into the "autonomy" stage of childhood.  I feel like I have to do everything myself or else I submit to some doubting sense of shame as if others perceive me as incapable.  This behavior becomes a problem when it stops me from accomplishing as much positive change as I could otherwise affect as part of a team. For this reason, I'm asking for help.  I want your help giving to causes, building confidence in children and supporting the weak. 

For those of you who know me personally, I want you to hold me accountable for letting down this defense.  If you catch me denying a sincere offer of support, call me out on it.  Use a code word, hand gesture or flat-out rake me across the coals. I'm trying to change, but I don't have the hang of it yet. So, if you see me out in public somewhere waving my arms and singing at the top of my lungs, don't worry about me.  I'm most likely just trying to be a flash mob by myself. 

2 comments:

Kevin said...

AUTONOMY!

Kiki said...

You get me! You really get me! :P