Was there life before Google?

Ah, the "Double O Oracle". I resisted it. I swear I did. Just like with Myspace, Facebook and Twitter, my obstinance turned into lust once I experienced it for myself. It started with a simple search on a computer with limited resources and suddenly I saw the beauty of their design.

Next, I became drawn to AdWords while I was trying to run my own design business. I appreciated the ability to have thousands of free impressions of my business name in search results, even if no one ever clicked further. When I came back to school, a friend introduced me to Gmail and I now check all of my 6 or 7 email addresses from one online interface, which allows me to see all of my messages - past and present - from any computer that has an internet connection. That was life-changing. As far as tools for entrepreneurs go, that one was priceless...followed closely by Google Calendar, which I use to do everything from planning my week to synchronizing weekends with the boys for my ex-husband.

As if that wasn't enough reason to owe my sanity to Google, they then came out with Google Docs! I can write papers and spreadsheets, or do homework online and have it all safely saved for me the next time I want to look at it, even if it's from another computer with a different operating system! Google Reader allows me to follow my favorite blogs and RSS feeds (if you need a blog to test it out with, I'm volunteering http://geekgroupies.com/GeekBlog/groupie.html) and now Google Voice. I just hooked myself up with a number for my latest venture. Whew! And the miracle here? 'Sall free. That's right. I haven't paid a red cent for any of the services with the exception of getting clicks on AdSense, which is the backbone of Google's game plan. They let the *advertisers* pay for leading the general public to their virtual doorstep.

There are those who feel that Google is evil. They feel invaded and used. If this is how you feel, by all means, avoid their many excellent and time-saving products. I, for one, don't see a problem with letting a company earn a profit when they have a business model that is both creative and useful.

Guided by a Pinlight

When I was younger, I felt like I could see forever into the future. I always knew what my next step should be. Somewhere in my twenties, that all-knowing lantern which had shed light into eternity dimmed to something less powerful than what I now have hooked to my keychain. Eventually, I began to feel like I was groping my way through a cave with a pinlight. I barely have enough insight to make my next step, let alone try to predict what I should do farther down the road.

At first, I saw the disappearance of my certainty as a sign of doom. I felt lost and confused. After a while, I began to think of it as a novelty - allowing me to make decisions spontaneously, based on where I am rather than where I thought I should be. This became an important element in letting fate shape my future. Recently, I said to my mom something like: "The thing about planning everything, is that everything goes as planned. When you leave something up to chance, you get serindipity." I've started to believe that if you want to have lucky breaks, you need to be able to see outside of your best-laid plans and allow something to go wrong...or atleast differently than expected.

Unfettered fate is a beautiful and wonderful thing, bringing you moments and opportunities that you may have passed up if you had kept it in your own hands. Left to the universe's devices, I feel like I'm being guided into my proper place, instead of feeling like a square peg in the round hole that I had previously selected for myself.

If you still have your lantern, by all means, use it! If, however, your path is no longer illuminated (or perhaps never was) don't be discouraged. Just shine your pinlight beneath your chin. You may not know where you're going, but you'll look scary as hell to anyone trying to stand in your way!

Of Moths and Men

My 4 year old is allergic to almost everything. Included in that horrible overstatement, are cats and dogs. This is a cruel truth, because he is more enamoured with furry friends than almost any other child I've ever met. He wants to nurture them. In his room, he maintains a zoo of stuffed animals, each one his favorite.

He was in the bath last night when I heard him wail about a bug. Taking one of his drinking cups, he scooped the bug from the bath and held the cup high. I proposed that he discard the water, and the bug, in the toilet. "But I want to keep it as a pet!" He said, his eyes glistening in the incandescent lights of the bathroom. "Honey," I prodded. "That's a dead moth. Moths are made to fly in the air. They don't do well in water." I said, with slight sympathy. "They do if they're dead!" He rebutted and again held the cup in the air, as if he thought his logic had persuaded me. I smiled at him, took the cup and flushed the bug down the toilet.

Is this what it's come to? My child, so starved for a pet, has been forced to seek a friend in a bloated, drowned donkey of a butterfly? I tried getting him fish, but one carelessly placed Cheerio brought an army of poisoned ants to the water. By morning, the whole lot was dead. I suppose I could try a hamster or a guinea pig, but what's to say that the fate of either of those furry animals would be more favorable? Is the death of an animal a fundamental part of the process of becoming responsible for one? Can the same lesson be learned through stories, therefore sparing the life of some poor handheld mammal? For now, I'm going to try helping them learn through empathy. If that makes me a heartless mother, I'll add their therapy bills to the list of things I'm saving for.

What I learned when I stopped standing still

It's hard to believe that less than 24 months ago, my life was over. I had two toddlers and my life was over. I drove a minivan...and my life was over. I was in a marriage where we were both miserable and my life was over. Freedom was a dream that I never knew I had, and exploration was something that only adventurous people did. I certainly wasn't one of those people. I couldn't do those things. My life was already over.

Then an epiphany. Maybe, just maybe, if I figured out what was killing me, I could fix it and learn to live. Months of soul searching and opening my eyes to the facts that had been staring me in the face led me to realize that the kids and the minivan weren't the reason that I felt pinned and alone. Misery was responsible for the death of my soul. That misery was caused by trying to nurture a marriage that was both poisoned and poisonous. So the cure was administered and all parties began to heal.

Still, I never thought I would be an explorer. Didn't ever think of traveling the country, let alone the world. Sure, there were people who did those kinds of things, but it wasn't something that I should be doing. I wasn't one of those people. I don't know what it was that made me believe that the right thing to do was set roots and keep a firm hold on the ground where I grew. Maybe it was soley the fact that I had never been told otherwise. Maybe my fears of the great-wide-open caused me to stay in my own little corner, even when the world was calling my name.

"Couldn't" turned to "shouldn't" then "wouldn't" until the opportunity to go to Beijing arose and I finally said "Why not?" Moments of guilt and doubt intervened, but friends prodded and when I listened to reason I knew that I had to go, if only to prove to myself that I could live my life on purpose. That was one week that changed my life.

I won't go into detail about the trip - not only because that story has been told - but also because it's not the content of the journey that caused my evolution, it's the fact that I took the journey at all. By the time I flew home, I knew that I *was* one of those people. I *was* someone who could and should and would explore the world around me.

Five short months later, I said "Why not?" again, and initiated a road trip that led a friend and I across more than 2,000 miles of paved and unpaved road. We saw new places, camped in all sorts of weather and geocached our way through treacherous terrain. We met a man that the world had forgot and navigated steep and winding roads that the earth had started to reclaim. The freeway brought us home without a hitch and I felt vindicated and empowered. There's a world out there to see and I don't want to see it by myself.

Who would be willing to accompany me on my quest to see the world? Who could tolerate hours in the car with me? The answer was right in front of me and illuminated by a little boy who tenderly proclaimed "Sometimes a four-year-old just needs his mommy." What better way to ensure adequate time together than forcing ourselves to buckle-up and hop from state to state? A little planning and we were off! The ease with which this road trip evolved was amazing. Everyone handled it wonderfully and with vigor. There was excitement growing with every mile and achievement every night. I was simultaneously satisfied and inspired. I've been bitten by the travel bug.

There have been moments when the image in the rearview mirror seemed far more sentimental than time spent in the first place, but it took visiting those locations to realize what I would miss when I was gone. Interests uncovered, geography discovered and friendships recovered, travel is both desirable and necessary as a catalyst to my personal growth. Hopefully, by furnishing it to my boys at such a young age, they will achieve greater heights than I.

I'm stable, I'm growing and I can honestly say that I'm alive. I'm living in a way that only I can, and embracing my unique situation. I know a whole lot more now than I did two years ago. I know who I am. I know what I want. I also know, that I don't want to live a life gathering moss. Roots are good, wings are better.

Some interesting facts about our Wild West road trip

Total Miles Traveled: 3,764
Total Days Traveling: 14
Hours in the Car: 75:30
States Explored: 7
Lowest Gas Price Paid: $2.439
Highest Gas Price Paid: $2.899
Highest Gas Price Seen: $3.359
Notable Injuries: 7
Speeding Tickets: 0
Stumbling Blocks: 4




********
Total Miles Traveled: 3,764

Wow. Whoda thunk that a single mom would have the patience to travel 3,764 miles with 4 & 5 year old boys? That's farther than driving from the westmost coast in Oregon to the eastmost coast of Maine. And by the day we were heading back to Eugene, James still wanted to turn around and do it all again!


Total Days Traveling: 14

Near the middle of the trip, it felt like we still had a lifetime to go. By the last day, I couldn't believe that it was over. What a trip!

Hours in the Car: 75:30

Yeah, nuff said.

States Explored: 7

Oregon: Love it just as much as ever, but appreciate it a little more now. The allergies are still too severe for me to believe that the boys will end up calling Oregon home forever, but it's a beautiful and bountiful place for sure.

Idaho: I didn't see a single place in Idaho that I didn't like. Boise was beautiful and well planned. They had all of the retail places that I was accustomed to, and the roads were easy to travel. The prices were fair and gas was cheap. Twin Falls was one of the lovliest places we saw on this trip. There was greenery and water, canyons and falls. Just a great place for fostering memories.

Utah: Before this trip, I thought Utah was all about Mormons and missions. If I had never left Salt Lake City, I would still probably feel that way (drove right past a missionary mall.) Fortunately, I drove along the south shore of the Great Salt Lake and got to play on the beautiful beach. I also drove out to the Salt Flats and took a picture of some of the natural whiteness that graces the ground all year long. We went rock climbing in Provo and toured the arches in Moab. I could probably have stayed in Utah for months and never been bored...as long as I didn't have a door for the missionaries to knock on.

Colorado: I only got a small peek at Colorado, but what I saw was beautiful. It was like peering through a keyhole at a large slice of destiny. You know there's so much more that you can't even fathom, but you feel really lucky to have had the chance to get even a small glimpse. Before Durango, the Denver airport was all I knew of this Cowboy laiden state. I would be lying if I said that the scenery was all that attracted me to Durango, but it was certainly enough to cause me to recommend it to others. Be sure to check out Mesa Verde if you visit.

New Mexico: I had been to Santa Fe before, and recommended it as a city to explore with friends and loved ones. Albuquerque, on the other hand, is a great place to go even if you're exploring alone. They have a cute little zoo, some great Route 66 culture and an adobe-clad university. One word of caution. The allergies are attrocious! Not exactly on the top of my list of places to move for my son's health.

Arizona: Didn't like Arizona. I thought it was barren and dry and even the reservations catered to tourists. The shops that sold quality artifacts were way over-priced and the vendors who sold affordable goods offered very low quality. The cities were few and far between. The Grand Canyon was beautiful though. Gas was cheap (when you could find it) and there were a lot of days that were perfect for ice cream! My favorite stop in this state was Lake Havasu City, where we saw the London Bridge. It was a cute little town and I'd like to visit it again someday.

California: What's to say about Cali? Disneyland was great, LA traffic sucked, the mountains were gorgeous. I loved driving by all of the orchards and seeing the truckloads of oranges, lemons, onions and garlic drive by us.


Lowest Gas Price Paid: $2.439

Lake Havasu City, AZ


Highest Gas Price Paid: $2.899

All fillups in Calfornia


Highest Gas Price Seen: $3.359

LA, Ca


Notable Injuries: 7

Personally, I had two injuries that had me wondering if I'd need medical attention. The first was my foot, when I slipped in Dinseyland and tweaked it all around. I did end up seeing a doctor for that one and everything was fine after some advil, an ace bandage and a bag of ice. The second was my wrist. I pinned it between two very heavy containers when I was loading the car. It was sore and bruised for a couple of days, but it's fine now.

The other five injuries belonged to Jack. The poor kid has so much trouble staying on his feet - a problem that seemed to be made worse by elevation. He fell so many times in Moab that we had to replace bandaids that were already covering his broken skin.

Speeding Tickets: 0

Which is not to say that I didn't get pulled over...'cause I did. After safely travelling 85 for weeks, it was really hard for me to slow down in California, that is, until I was pulled over for doing 83 in a 70. When I saw the officer parked as I passed, I repeated "Oh crap, please don't pull me over. Please don't pull me over." But apparently officers in the California PD don't listen to telepathic pleading. Even worse, the officer was female.

I have never been more grateful to have my boys in the car with me. The officer got to the window and asked for my license, registration and proof of insurance. Being that it was my mother's car, I couldn't find anything but the driver's license. From the back, my youngest calls "Why did you pull us over?" The officer responded "Because your mommy was driving too fast." Jack quickly asks "Are you going to put her in jail?" The officer smiled and reassured him that she didn't intend to arrest me. Meanwhile, she accepted the expired insurance card that I *was* able to find in the glove compartment and went back to her vehicle to call me in. (I didn't realize at the time that my mom's van has a whole seperate compartment with all of the necessary documents inside.)

When the officer came back, she asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I said I did. She asked if I knew the speed limit and I said that I had seen the sign just a few feet after I noticed her sitting beneath the bridge. Then, James interrupted from the back. "Mommy, we've never been pulled over by a police officer before!" Bless his heart! His intuitive little brain prompted him to say one of the best things that he possibly could have at that point. Nevermind the fact that he was in the car with me both other times that I had been pulled over...but those officers were both men and I was able to get away with a verbal warning after they verified that I wasn't a raving lunatic.

Fortunately, this officer was merciful and let me off with a verbal. She then asked me to watch my speed because I most likely wouldn't get away with a warning the next time. I'll tell ya, it made for a damn long drive doing the speed limit the rest of the way home!

Stumbling Blocks: 4

I will actually skip sharing the first thing. It's a little private and incredibly female. Suffice it to say that I had a little hurdle that took a lot of phone calls, a little time and a little money to overcome. But I did.

The next thing was dropping my phone in a puddle. It shorted out the board and Verizon wouldn't help me because I didn't pay the $8/month for insurance. Bastards. Fortunately, after everything dried out, the phone seems to be working again as normal.

Thirdly, was that I forgot the charger for my camera battery. I was able to locate a Batteries Plus in Boise that had a charger for my particular model. It even had an adapter to plug it into a lighter, so I was good to go for the rest of the trip!

The last one was a doozy! We had a little ant infestation in the car, caused by bringing an old cooler that apparently had an ant's nest in the lid. Everything was fine while we had ice in the cooler, but after leaving it in the car while we were in Disneyland, the ants woke up and took over the car! It took 4 hours, 6 ant traps and a bottle of soy bug spray that smelled like throw-up to remedy that issue.


Well, that was my trip. I hope you all had fun following along! Hopfeully there'll be more in the near future!

Why my four-year-old will be in the master's program next year.

By now, everyone has heard me say that my boys are smart. It's true, they are. While Jackson is doing a great job reading small words and doing arithmetic with Corn Pops, James is reading even complex words with tricky letter combinations and doing math mentally. So, why is it that James is headed off to kindergarten and Jackson's entering higher education? Allergies.

After weeks of struggling with daycares over Jackson's peanut allergy, I've decided to just bring him to school with me next year. Since last January, I've had the boys at a great daycare center in the Valley River area. Playdates works with Jackson's allergy and has become a nut-free facility in an effort to provide him with the best care possible. With the new school year, however, James is starting kindergarten at Malibon in the Bethel district and needs to attend a daycare close by. Finding a center that's willing to take the liability of a small boy with life threatening allergies has been a struggle. All of the places that I've called so far have declined and few have given me any idea where to turn to find what I need. A few things are certain. I need someone to watch my boys and keep them safe while I'm at school/work. I need to have Jackson in a place that's nut-free and sensitive to his conditions. I need them both to be at a place near to James' kindergarten so that he can get from school to daycare and back while I'm working. Also, it would be nice if I could find this somewhere that doesn't cost more than what I make in a month. *Sigh*

That said, I haven't found anything close to an option yet. I'm ready to throw my hands in the air and just bring Jack to school with me. I hope my professors don't notice!

*** Update***

The boys ex-teacher, Ms. Brittany, has opened her own school and has told me that she made it nut-free with Jack in mind.  She said she'd love to have him, and she'd even take the boys home with her on nights that I had to work late.  The catch?  It's out at 50th and Fox Hollow!  That's a 25 minute drive each way, according to Google.

Triple fortune

@ dinner tonight. Makes up for the empty one earlier.